FRIDAY NIGHT CHOLENT

How (not!) to pronounce words in your davening

Vayehi binsoa ha-aron vayomer Moshe kumah adon...

Uvenucho yomar shuvah adon...

The issue here is one of stress. These two examples differ from Tzur Yisrael kumah be'ezrat Yisrael or Shuvah Yisrael because of an obscure rule that changes the accent under certain conditions. That is, one should say kuMAH and shuVAH in the first two examples, but KUmah and SHUvah in the last two. Normally we would expect the accent on the first syllable in these two words, but in almost all cases where such a word precedes a word that begins with the letters alef, heh, or ayin, the stress shifts forward. (Notice that although Hashem's name is spelled with a yud, it is still pronounced with an alef.) Another example is in the last line from the Shir shel Yom for Tuesday: it should be kuMAH elo-im.

In the Torah there are many such examples, most notably nearly a half-dozen where lamah is used twice in close succession, once as laMAH and the other as LAmah (as in Shemot 5:22 and Shemot 32:11-12).

For the archive, go to

http://fridaynightcholent.itgo.com/fridaynightcholentArchive.html

Two J.E.W.s  (jokes every week!)

A meshulach for a well-known yeshiva came to a town he had never visited before, and while traveling around he noticed many different signs that said "The Finkelstein Company" and "Finkelstein Building" and "Finkelstein Center" and "Finkelstein Towers" and "Finkelstein Village." The meshulach knew he had to meet this person named Finkelstein.

So he finally tracks down Finkelstein and tells him that he is collecting for an important yeshiva and all the good work they do there. Finkelstein listens but for a minute and then puts up his hand.

"Actually, I'm not Jewish," says Finkelstein.

"Ah, I see," said the meshulach, "pardon me."

"No problem," says Finkelstein. "Happens all the time."

The meshulach starts to leave, but Finkelstein keeps talking:

"Not only that, but my father isn't Jewish, either!"

"I see," says the meshulach, "I'll just be-"

"And his father, my grandfather, he also isn't Jewish!"

"Very good," says the meshulach. "Now if you don't mind-"

"And my alter zayde, alav hashalom, he wasn't Jewish either!"

**********************

Old man Cohen has never taken a vacation in forty years of running Cohen's Nails. His son has been trying to convince him lately that he can handle everything and doesn't need his father's oversight. So finally one day the old man decides his son is indeed experienced enough to run the family business, so he and the missus fly down to Florida for a much overdue vacation.

The first day on the beach, he spreads out in his chaise lounge chair sipping his cool drink and opens a national newspaper. Inside he sees a full-page ad with a picture of a semi-naked man hanging on a giant crucifix and with this caption: "EVEN THEN, THEY USED COHEN'S NAILS."

Old man Cohen nearly chokes on his drink. He whips out his cell phone and calls his son immediately: "Son, you've gotta cancel this ad! It's all wrong!"

"No problem, dad," says the son. "I'm taking care of it now. You don't worry about a thing. I can handle it. It'll all be fixed tomorrow."

Old man Cohen calms down and begins to enjoy his vacation. The next day, he again walks out to his chaise lounge chair on the beach, sits down, and opens his newspaper. There he sees another full-page ad: another crucifix, no one hanging on it, but a body slumped on the ground underneath, and this caption: "THEY SHOULD HAVE USED COHEN'S NAILS."

Brainteaser of the week

Where and when is it possible to read the same haftarah two weeks in a row? (Traveling from Israel does not count.)

            Gid ha-nasheh (mitzvah of not eating the sciatic nerve)

            Shiluach ha-kein (mitzvah of sending away the mother bird)

            Kisui ha-dam (mitzvah of covering up the blood)         

Answer: Each is the name of a chapter from Tractate Chullin.

The winner was Mordechai Greenspan from Boca Raton. Mazal tov!